Friday, June 21, 2013

Be Holy, for I am Holy.

"Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ;
as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance;
but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."
And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each one's work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your stay here in fear; knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things...

Friday, June 7, 2013

Life Never Slows Down..

And I'm ok with that!! 

I LOVE being busy. I'm one of those people who likes to "do" and "do" constantly. Never wanted to sit still... recently I have appreciated those moments when I haven't been on the run ;-) 

Working two jobs and babysitting takes it's toll..but not just on me. If it only affected me, I wouldn't look back..just keep pushing through.  It's one of those things that takes discernment. I miss seeing my family, like I used to. It's a stage. A phase. Lots of things changing. New owning a car! 

Earlier this month I bought a 2003 Honda Civic. I love it! When I bought it, the drivers door lock wouldn't turn - No big deal, I can unlock the passengers door and reach over and unlock the drivers door, until I get the problem fixed. However...after about a week and a half, my passenger door wouldn't unlock! I was leaving work (or trying to!) and the doors wouldn't unlock! WHAT in the world am I supposed to do? My trunk unlocked, and since I "travel heavy" (as in, having at least one big bag full of stuff, with all times o.O) I was able to get that off my shoulder, so that I could fight my door without too much trouble. Long and embarrassing story short: Doors wouldn't unlock, so I climbed through my trunk. Yes, yes...the trunk. I'm sure it was very amusing to watch. Luckily for some, I was parked by the road exiting the theater - I'm sure the Bus travelers laughed at my struggle. But it worked! So for about a week I climbed humbly, through my trunk. Aaaannnnnndd then the trunk lock decided to join the others in their rebellion. Needless I can't lock my doors. So if anyone wants to break into my car...GO FOR IT. I only keep dirt and crumbs in there =P 
I thought I was adopting a little cutie that would do everything I wanted it to...glad things were clarified! I bought a drama pit ;-) And I'm sure y'all know how I LOVE drama. 

Anyway! I talked to a trusty mechanic friend - he suggested talking to a locksmith. That's my next project. 

So thats whats new.

Well...kinda new :-) 


Wednesday, May 8, 2013


Can't believe it's May already! I remember when the years would drag on...months and weeks seemed so far in the future. Now I feel old saying "Man! It's already May?!" :-) 

Changes are brewing.. 

June 1st, I will begin "training" for a new job! I'm really excited to learn something new, and step out into the unknown. It will be completely new, challenging. I'm ready to be moving forward in life, and this is potentially a job that I could take with me, anywhere. 

I will also be helping a precious family from church. The Lord works in mysterious ways - you hear it all the time..but when you actually see it in your life - it's INCREDIBLE! 
This family started coming to my church about a year ago (roughly). Our families just hit it off! Lindsay gives two of their kids riding lessons. And I have been going home with them, to Maryland, on Sundays and staying over until Monday - helping out in any way I can. They are a busy, homeschooling family. So I have taken over grocery shopping. It's an experience! But I love it. 
Funny how I really haven't known them a long time, and yet they are some of my closest friends. I so appreciate that I can talk about things, and receive wise advice. Or just the insane encouragement to keep drinking coffee ;-) 

I also really appreciate that my whole family is close with their whole family. I go to my parents for advice, or to vent, cry, annoy, tease, laugh one point I didn't care to be home all that much. But I can really say, as an adult, that I appreciate my parents. Who they are. How they have raised me. And love them not only as my parents, but as friends. We still bump elbows, argue...but at the end of the day, when I'm exhausted and want to crawl under a rock - They are there. 

"You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends." Normally thats a stab at the family. HOWEVER, I am SO thankful that I can't choose my family. Because I have a wonderful one, and I have made some misjudgments with friends. Haha! 

A lot is changing, and has changed this past year. Do not be deceived...the hard days are more frequent than the good ones. My "happy little world" has been turned up-side-down. The Lord has revealed my ugly little heart to me. He has taken the securities of relationships, friendships. Causing me to be wholly dependent on Himself. He is my Help, my Defender, Strength, Shield, Rock, my Deliverer...when do I run to Him? When people get nasty? When someone has hurt my feelings? Of course! But thats not how it should be. He should be my focus all the time, so that when you hear rumors...they don't sway you.  I care what people think. I care too much...that only shows where my focus is. And often, it's totally wrong.  
Hearing from nasty people, showed me just how ugly I am. My heart is NOT loving towards them. But it should be. Friendships, relationships...they must go both ways. Love does not  need to be on both sides. I can love the nasty, rude people I come in contact with. I can Love them, because I am Loved. I can forgive unconditionally, because I was forgiven unconditionally. That is indescribably freeing! 

In sunday school we are going through the book, Principles of Spiritual Growth. This has been so helpful. 

The Lord has done so much in my life (and He still is). It's hard. I don't like the process...I don't like seeing how nasty my heart is. He is conforming the renewing of my mind :) 

I appreciate your prayers! 


PS. I'm also car hunting. Owning a car would give me SO much flexibility...especially since I'll be going to MD more often as the year goes on. 

Also! thank you for letting me blab =) just gotta get it out sometime, even if it is unpolished.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

What's Your Story?

I haven't forgotten about my blog! I've been thinking about what you write about next. I only have about two days a week that I have any computer time - which in theory gives me lots of thinking time ;-) 

My cousin Melissa (check out her blog! It's one of my favorites.) commented on my last post, and mentioned my "story". 

Well...what IS my story? 

When I think about it, I can barely grasp how new it is. How young it is. Age is just a number. For years and years I couldn't wait till I was older, and now that I'm here, I wonder why I was in such a hurry!   Life is a roller coaster. I have been up and down, this way, that way, name it - I was there! 

But what is my story...

I normally stick with the abridged version. But when I try to put together the whole just comes out in a blob. It's a tangled mess! Life is messy. If I explain my past, you'll wonder how in the world I am where I am. Or if I tell you who/where I'm at'll wonder about my past. I can't mesh it together. My life only makes sense because I am Forgiven. He captured my wandering heart...

My family moved to Pennsylvania when I was about six months old. I have an older brother and sister, Nate and Lindsay. Nate is five years older and Lindsay is two years older than I am. 
I don't remember much...but I was an angel :) Being the baby of the family and all...
When I was five I became a big sister! I would carry Rachel around all the time. I can still hear the older ladies at church, they were so scared I'd drop her. But at five years old, I was a pro! And I've been changing diapers ever since. 
When I was seven, Sarah was born. This time, not only did I become a big sister for the second time, I was (lovingly) deemed "Mini Mommy". I had an opinion, and being the kind and caring older sister - I made sure "my" little babies did what I wanted. 
At age eleven, Kyle was born. I loved the little girlie dresses that Rachel and Sarah would wear...but there is something about a little baby boy. All babies are precious. There is a special bond that brothers and sisters have...and being the "best" older sibling, I was convinced that I would be the favorite. 
I knew that being the "favorite" came at a I invested a lot of time. I loved it. There are so many crazy memories. 
Thankfully the story isn't over. We have many, many years ahead of us to create memorable chaos!
At age sixteen, I became an Auntie! 

At age twelve, I started my first "real" job at a local Corn Maze. Yes. At age twelve. I'm kind of blown away that my parents would let me do that! Lindsay also worked at the Maze, and when I first started working there - we were always together. And always had radios - so just a call away. 
I worked at the Corn Maze for four years. Four years of sweat, sun, dirt, happy people, grumpy people, nice co-workers, rude co-workers. And a consistent pursuit of customer service. The Corn Maze was an experience...and my employers wanted the guests to receive the best. Those four years really sculpted how I treated people. And all those "second mile" services are a part of my overall thought process, now. 
At sixteen, I switched jobs. I was hired at a local christian theater. I was in concessions - It's a pretty way of saying I sold snacks :-) 
Just like at the Maze, the theater was focused on customer service. I have SO many crazy stories from those years. 

When I tured sixteen, lots of things in my life changed/were changing. Struggling to finish school, a new job, family relationships were strained. I almost preferred to be at work..that way I wouldn't have to deal with the people I would see everyday. 
I had a friendship that my parents weren't comfortable with. But I was sixteen! Almost an adult, I could make me own decisions. They were just being silly. So I continued to have this friendship. It was a mess, and not honoring. I had been a christian for years. But what did that have to do with it? My parents found out I was still talking to this friend - It would stop after some consequences were inflicted...this went back and forth two or three times. Until I realized where I really was. And what kind of person I really was. I was a good worker - My bosses loved me, managers, and even had a few good friendships with the people I worked with. But that had nothing to do with who I was. 
I was disrespectful to my parents. Dishonoring. And my relationship with the Lord wasn't really there...
My actions didn't just affect me and my parents. It affected my siblings. Whoa. I was a really bad example to my babies. Something had to change. I repented and the Lord really turned things around. I still wasn't strong in the Lord, but at the time I would have said my relationship with Him had never been better. I was growing - which is all true. I was proud. 
When I was almost eighteen, I started talking to a guy who also worked at the theater. He was older than me. He was really nice! Really involved in his church. The more we would talk, the more my parents didn't like it. But hey, I really was almost an adult. And my dream of getting married and being a wife and mother were closer than ever before. That.."relationship" was far from honoring. He wasn't even close to being who I thought he was. 

God broke me again. I had to rebuild trust with my parents. I was used to lying and keeping things from them - not really talking to them. It was hard to totally reverse my habits. 
By His grace, I have never been closer to them. 
He changed my ugly, deceitful heart. 

I had had enough of "my plans"...they always ended up broken, and hurting people. If there is anything in this world that I am really worried's hurting someone. Don't get me wrong, I will punch a jerk, the first chance I get...I guess I'm talking on a deeper level. 

I gave it all to Christ - this is where I'm at, these are my desires.
I turned my focus to Him. Not "Lord, what can I do for You today?" But "Father...use me today. Because I can't..".

The Lord gave me an opportunity to get to know a God honoring man, a hard worker, a deep thinker, someone who is willing to change and sacrifice himself. I am blessed to call him a friend. The Lord opens doors, and He closes them. He used this friend of mine, in many different ways. And I am thankful. 

Now, at the decrepit age of nineteen, I am finally realizing I'm still a baby. I am still learning so much. The Lord never ceases to amaze me. He is constantly working - if I feel like He is or not. 
He has shown me a path...and so I am patiently following. I don't know where all it is going to take me...but I am excited. Most importantly..I have peace. 


Friday, April 5, 2013

It's Spring!

Hey y'all! I've deleted all of my older posts...I'm hoping to find a groove and blog more - we shall see. I feel like my blog so far has been SUPER random. I'm I guess it fits. But I just wanted to start fresh. Anyway!

IT'S SPRING! I love it! I'm loving all the sunshine. Can't wait for summer, flip-flops, dresses, skirts, SUN, ice cream, hiking, birthday parties, sweet tea, lemonade (or emmalade, depending on who you ask =)....), strawberries, sunglasses...all of those little things that are so easily overlooked. 

Like I always say - Life is NEVER dull. Growing up, I learned I should never say I was "bored" ;-) there was always something to do. And now, I can honestly say I am never bored. 

Thinking over the past year - I can see how the Lord has drastically changed my heart. This exact time last year, I was miserable. I was a sorry soul. And, by His grace...I am who I am today. His ways are not our ways. I am so thankful for that. I've had my life planned out many different ways..many different times - and thank the Lord none of my "plans" have ever worked out! 
I am constantly blown away by His grace and goodness. Many new possibilities have "opened up", for my future. I can finally see a clear direction for my life. And that is without me twisting it to "fit" into what I want. God is directing me. It's scary - but I have an enormous amount of peace, because He has opened the doors. I simply have to trust and walk through. 

I'm not very good at putting into words, all that I feel....Or all that He has truly done in me.


Lots of new things are happening. Life is exciting. 

Enjoy Spring!